The Dating Pool is a Swamp, and We’re All Stuck in It

Roses are red, violets are blue,

My goals are on track, but my love life’s a zoo.

As the year winds down, I find myself doing what everyone else is—reflecting on the chaos, the wins, and the lessons. Professionally, 2024 was decent: I hit a few milestones, celebrated some wins, and managed to keep my career on track despite a mental health rollercoaster.

But when it comes to love? Oh, it wasn’t just bad—it was spectacularly horrendous. Picture a full-blown dumpster fire, complete with flickering sparks of false hope that fizzled out eventually. 

Honestly? After the dating disasters I’ve had this year, I’m starting to think I might be single for a very long time. 

The Modern Dating Circus

Aside from the ridiculous gender wars on social media this year—like the laughable debate about men avoiding dates because we allegedly just want a free meal (really?)—2024 has been a total disaster for single people across the board.

Look, I’m not perfect. I have my flaws—scatterbrained, a bit hot-tempered, and impatient at times—but yoh! I know for sure I’m not the problem. Despite being discerning and pretty strict when it comes to men, I keep running into the same type of dudes. And no, I refuse to believe you are what you attract (ew). It’s like a revolving door of disappointment. 

The cast of characters includes:

The Master of Mixed Signals: He’ll have you feeling like the luckiest person alive, showering you with charm and affection one minute, then vanishing into thin air the next—leaving you staring at your phone, wondering if you said something wrong. Oh, and just when you’re on the verge of figuring it out, he’ll pull out the classic gaslight move, making you feel like it’s all your fault. It’s basically an emotional rollercoaster—exciting at first, but by the end, you’re just dizzy and holding on for dear life.

The Monologue Specialist with a Superiority Complex: His well-paying job and obsession with the Springboks are basically his entire personality. He delivers monologues like he’s the only one in the room, barely engaging with you, and you start to wonder if he’s even looking for a partner or just ticking a box because it’s socially expected. And if you do manage to sneak in an opinion, get ready for a condescending lecture, because your thoughts don’t really matter to him anyway.

Mr. Surface Level: He’ll hit you with big promises he has zero intention of keeping, act like everything’s peachy when it’s clearly crumbling, and then disappear faster than Houdini when it’s time to face the music. And don’t get your hopes up for any deep convos—he’s not here to actually get to know you. It’s like a game with no rules, no prize, and no one really winning. Everything with him? Surface level, always.

The Leech: This guy isn’t in your life to give, he’s in it to take. He’ll hit you up when he needs something—usually free labour, or worse, an emotional support session for his latest drama. And don’t be surprised when he asks for money, too. Classic leech move. 

It’s all very exhausting. I crave connection and romance, but all I’m getting are headaches and emotional burnout. Yes, I know we’re all “decentering men” these days, but I’m just trying to fall in love before my frontal lobe fully develops because honestly, dating will probably miss me once I’m too self-aware to deal with this mess. Is it really that much to ask for someone with good intentions who doesn’t send me into fight-or-flight mode every time we talk?

Why Dating Is Harder Than Ever for Gen Z Women

Let’s start with the state of the dating pool. It’s a mess, and trust me, it’s not just me whining. A Pew Research Center study revealed that 63% of young adults under 30 are single, and it’s not because we’re all picky. Women, in particular, are overwhelmingly dissatisfied with the current dating scene. Factor in the economy, the rise of toxic masculinity (hello, incels), and a general fear of commitment, and you’ve got a recipe for a romance disaster. Sure, this is an American study, but similar dating patterns are definitely emerging in other parts of the world, including South Africa.

The Economy: Romance Is No Longer Affordable

Between inflation, student debt, and stagnant wages, it’s hard to feel romantic when you’re scrambling to pay rent. Dating isn’t just about fun anymore—it’s about making sure you don’t get stuck with the bill, or worse, the emotional burden of someone else’s financial struggles. Instead of chatting about where we’ll travel next, we’re arguing over who gets to pay for the pasta at Doppio Zero.

Incel Culture & The Rise of Misogyny Online 

We all know that “alpha male” rhetoric is a thing. The rise of podcasts and TikToks glorifying toxic masculinity has led to an undercurrent of hostility toward women, especially in the dating world. For every decent guy, there are five more spouting Andrew Tate nonsense and treating romance like a battle zone. That’s not exactly the most inviting environment for finding love, is it?

The Games We Play: Breadcrumbing, Ghosting, and Love-Bombing

What happened to the good old days of simple communication? Now, it’s all about mind games: love-bombing, breadcrumbing, and ghosting. One minute they’re planning a weekend getaway, the next, they’ve vanished like a Snapchat story. It’s exhausting. It’s no wonder women are opting out—basic respect has somehow become a luxury.

The Shadow of Gender-Based Violence (GBV) in Dating

South Africa has one of the highest rates of gender-based violence (GBV) in the world, with the horrifying statistic that a woman is murdered every three hours. But it’s not just the stats that weigh heavy—it’s the knowledge that these threats are always lurking. Every encounter feels like a risk assessment, and every red flag is meticulously catalogued, dissected, and replayed in my mind. Dismissive tones, strange reactions to boundaries, sudden mood shifts—these “small” red flags aren’t so small when you know how quickly things can escalate.

Dating now feels like a survival game rather than an opportunity to connect. It’s no longer just about love; it’s about staying safe in a world where even the smallest missteps can turn dangerous.

So, What’s Next for Me and My Girls?

Conversations with other women my age and older have revealed that we’re all in the same boat. The dating pool feels like it’s been flooded with red flags, and we don’t know where to swim anymore. With the rise of conservatism, economic struggles, and the toxic rhetoric of incels, it’s no wonder many of us are giving up on love altogether.

For now, I guess all we can do is focus on ourselves—investing in our careers, friendships, and personal growth. Never settle. And if someone decent happens to come along, maybe we’ll consider giving the dating pool another try.

If you’re a single Gen Z woman feeling like me, know you’re not alone. The dating world is in shambles, but at least we’re all in it together. But if 2025 doesn’t bring better prospects, I’m seriously considering retiring from the game and entering my villain era.