A Complete Guide To Knowing Your Worth, Then Adding Tax

While binge watching self care videos on YouTube, I came across a pep talk video by one of my faves, Breeny Lee. The video was titled How To: Level Up Mentally and was centred  around the idea of self worth, as well as the importance thereof. When the video was uploaded about a year ago, I didn't think it was necessary for me to watch it since I already knew my worth. However, the past few months have made me realise that I sometimes do things that suggest otherwise. For example, I sometimes set my standards and boundaries aside just to accommodate those who fail to comply with them. Watching the video inspired me to revive my self worth and share some of the steps that I'll be taking to do so. I'll also be referring to Breeny's video quite a lot in this post since I took a few pointers from what she had to say regarding this subject. Before we go any further, I want you to know that it's okay to forget your worth, or who you are sometimes. We're only human. We're bound to make mistakes. What matters is that we learn from those mistakes.

The title of this video was motivated by something Breeny mentioned in her pep talk. She mentioned that luxury brands such as Fendi and Louis Vuitton NEVER go on sale. This is because they only cater for a certain market. A market that can afford them and doesn't need a sale in oder to purchase them. What she said reminded me of the "you're not everyone's cup of tea" quote. Like Louis Vuitton, you can't cater for everyone. You're not everyone's cup of tea. This doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you, or with those who prefer to drink coffee instead. It simply means that we all have different taste. What's fascinating to me, might not be to you. With that said, working your butt off in an effort to get everyone's approval is a total waste of time. Here's why: It's NEVER going to happen. You're never going to be worthy of praise to everyone. There'll always be people who think you aren't worth it. Therefore, the only logical solution to this problem is to be worthy enough for yourself. This means being fully content with yourself, despite disapproval from others.

Link to Breeny Lee's video: 

https://youth.be/jUwVVxWOMc 

Here are a few tips on how to get started:

1. Be self aware

Self awareness is the most important thing when it comes to reviving your self worth. Self awareness will help you figure out why you sometimes forget that you're worthy. If it's Instagram, delete it until you're in a better space. If it's certain people, cut them off. Life on it's own is already stressful. The last thing you want to deal with is negativity from people who are supposed to be on your team. You deserve better. Self awareness doesn't have to be based on the things that make you feel unworthy. Being aware of your strengths and potential is important too. This will help you remember what you're worth and most importantly, that you are actually worthy. 

2. STOP seeking validation

This is definitely a "note to self" for me as well. It's YOUR life. The pronoun your is the key word in that sentence. Since it's your life, make decisions that you think are best for your well-being. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help regarding certain things. However, letting other people's opinions influence every decision you make isn't the smart thing to do. You know you like that check blazer you saw on display at the mall the other day. Why are you still asking your cousin what she thinks of it before buying it? No babe. Stop it. If she says she doesn't like it, chances are, you'll end up having doubts about buying it. Whereas, you could have just bought it because you like it, which is all that actually matters. When I started my blog two months ago, I was so concerned about what everyone else thought about my content instead of being satisfied by the fact that I was satisfied with it. Sure, it's important for me to post content for my readers to enjoy but if I put my all into it, nothing else should matter. Seeking validation will make you question your worth, especially if the validation you were seeking isn't given to you. Let your approval be the only approval that's needed for you to make decisions.

Here's a challenge:
For the rest of the week, do what you wanna do without asking Lerato and Nomsa what they think about whatever you're doing.

3. STOP fishing for compliments

I also have a tendency of doing this sometimes so this is another "note to self " for me. This is closely linked to seeking validation. Fishing for compliments stems from a place of insecurity and self uncertainty. This results in seeking validation by fishing for compliments. Asking questions like "Doesn't this shirt look good on me?" is seeking validation sis. Worst case scenario. The shirt doesn't look good on you. Both the colour and design are off. What do you expect your girls to say? Let's be real, you weren't really asking them with the intention of getting their honest opinions. You only did it so they could agree with you and you could add their approval to your approvals for the day list. Stop! Even if it was the best case scenario, which is the shirt actually looking good on you, asking such questions is still seeking validation. Let the fact that you like the shirt be enough reason for you to take it home. After paying for it of course.

You can also try complimenting yourself. That way, you won't need compliments from anyone else.

4. Set sturdy boundaries

One of the pointers I took from
Breeny's pep talk is the importance of setting sturdy boundaries. The example she made goes as following. You have a dirty car. By dirty I'm talking candy wrappers, empty cans and crumbs from food you had before Avengers: End Game was released. You then give someone who just bought a burger a lift. What are the chances of them feeling comfortable to eat their burger AND leave it's box in your car? Well, the chances of that happening are quite high. I mean, your car is already a pigsty. You shouldn't have a problem with it. Her point in making this example was to illustrate that people will treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you don't respect yourself, no one else is going to respect you. Simple. If someone is continuously disrespecting you, it's because you're allowing it. You CANNOT act like flip flops and expect to be treated like Luboutins. If your car had been clean, the passenger wouldn't have had the audacity to eat their burger, let alone leave it's box in your car. That is why it's important to set boundaries. This can only be done if you're CLEAR, STURDY and ASSERTIVE about what you will and will not tolerate. If you don't like something, speak up. Don't just let it slide. If they did it once and got away with it, nothing will stop them from turning it into a habit. Don't be afraid of being called stuck up or rude. If you don't like the way someone has behaved with you, don't pretend you do just to please them. Know your worth.

5. Don't lower your standards. Not even for yourself.

Be it friendships, relationships, careers...DON'T settle for anything less than what you deserve. Again, Louis Vuitton is not for everyone and neither are you. There will be people who tell you that you asking for too much and that's okay. You're not asking for too much. They're just unable to to give you what you're asking for and are now trying to shift the blame onto you, to make themselves feel better. If you feel like you deserve better, go and find better. Lowering your standards will only make you unhappy. It will also blur the lines when it comes to certain boundaries that you've set. For example, if you have a friend who has a habit of taking your things and seldom returning them, you probably shouldn't be friends with her. Speaking to her about it is an option (of course) but the fact that she feels comfortable doing that suggests that she lacks respect. Not just respect for your friendship, but for you as well. Tolerating her behaviour is a sign that you have no clear standards set regarding the kind of people that you let into your circle of friends. Yes, distancing yourself from certain people will be difficult but it has to be done...with absolute class of course. Don't lower your standards for yourself either. If you feel yourself slacking and not working to your full potential, snap out of it! You're Louis Vuitton, remember? If you slack, you might be hit by inflation and depreciate. Be careful babe.

Fun Fact: Louis Vuitton burns their unsold merchandise at the end of each year. If that's not the definition of knowing your worth, I don't know what is.

At the end of the day, it is important to know that your worth isn't dependent on your social status, education or bank balance. It is only dependent on your intrinsic value. This includes your mindset, the way you see yourself and everything abstract about you. Understanding that you're perfectly, imperfect and still loving and appreciating yourself is what real self worth is. We all have moments of weakness. Moments where we doubt our own worth and that is okay. Again, we're only human. What matters is that we rise after falling.

Always remember that seeking external validation creates internal destruction. Whatever you do should be impress yourself and no one else. Know your worth and add tax.