Be your own kind of feminine

Hey Bouquet! I hope you're all well. I've come to the realisation that it's been quite a while since I published a Girl Talk post where I literally just vent about something that I think is messed up. This is why I've decided to publish this post. I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: This post ridicules traditional femininity and all it's subscribers. If you're one of them, you might want to read something else.

Those of you who've read a few of my previous blog posts will know that I am a YouTube fanatic. While browsing through my YouTube feed I came across a video about femininity and how to enhance it. As much as I've become an advocate for women doing whatever they want with their lives over the past few years, thirteen year old me's thought process somehow resurfaced and was curious about the contents of the video. This is why I decided to not only save the video but also to search for similar videos. I had time to watch them today and I had to fight the urge to delete them all before even getting to the middle of them.

- "Don't curse. It's so ugly and " unladylike."
- "Shave consistently. You don't want to be in a situation where you'll be embarrassed if you have to fit something on at the mall."
- "Wear more dresses."
- "Smile more."
- "Do more feminine activities such as cooking and baking."

These are just some of the tips that were given in the videos. This made me realise how the dictatorship we as women have been put through since the beginning of time is probably going to be eternal. Femininity, according to the Oxford dictionary is: qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of women.
Using this definition as a measure for femininity as a whole in itself is flawed. It honestly doesn't make sense for ANYONE to define femininity for ALL women. We're all very different. We have different interests, backgrounds and beliefs, just to mention a few. Why then should we ALL be defined by the same standards and expectations?

Apart from that, why should I smile more to be feminine? What if I don't want to smile? This made me realise that men's entitlement to certain things such as smiling stems from such ridiculous rule books. One of the ladies in the video literally said she is learning to snap out of her resting face so she can smile and look more feminine. I don't mean to be disrespectful but that is ridiculous. We're human. It's perfectly normal to have a straight face most of the time. Why should being "more" feminine come with such ridiculous rules?

The shaving tip really made my blood boil because it's the reason I shave most of the time. Being a woman and having a hairy physique is so shunned upon despite the fact that it's totally normal. We as women being pressured to shave and wax all in the name of "femininity" is ridiculous. How does hair that NATURALLY grows out from your body make you less womanly? Also, why do all these rules only apply to women? Why aren't men pressured to shave and wax for the sake of being more masculine?

Traditional femininity being socially constructed also explains why it makes no logical sense. A few characteristics of a  traditional feminine  woman are gentleness, empathy, humility and sensitivity. I am not traditionally feminine. I don't like cooking, baking, shaving etc but I am the most empathic person I know. My point? Femininity is what we make it and not what society came up with centuries ago.

What is most frustrating about this so called "femininity" is that it promotes patriarchy and gender roles. How we live our lives is always under scrutiny. Dress code, mannerisms, everything! Also, if you have to go through such drastic steps to be deemed "feminine", doesn't that mean it's not in your nature? Doesn't it mean that you're putting on a facade? If you were meant to be traditionally feminine, wouldn't it come naturally to you?

We need to define femininity for ourselves. This can only be done if we're being ourselves and not when we're making sure to smile until our cheeks hurt. There is nothing wrong with being girly. What's wrong is thinking that girliness is what defines femininity as a whole. Do you but don't dictate femininity to us. We don't appreciate the unsolicited advice so save it.

I hope you guys enjoyed this post. I apologise if I came of as rude in this post but I really needed to get this off my chest. Always remember to be yourself. Take care.

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